There comes a young man with a shuffling
gait. Right arm dangling useless. A smooth shaven pate.
Am about to pass by him when something says, ’Wait!’
I lift my head.,look into his eyes.
The radiance there shines through his disguise.
Now his bony sternum is chafing my face
as submerged in his aura we share an embrace.
Seems ages ago since we two met so
the warmth of emotion holding us in its glow.
I drink in the memories of the things we have done
Apart and together this my beautiful son.
Recollections return I’d rather forget.
My eyes start to burn. Can’t let him see me upset.
The cold hand of death has etched its mark
on his physical frame. Left him fragile and stark.
How could this young man so damaged, so thin
Be my firstborn son with his wide cheeky grin?
I still can’t begin to take it all in.
The way a vibrant young life so fulsome and bright
Was nearly extinguished, sucked into the night.
At life’s very edge is where you’ve been.
Curiosity devours me. Tell me, what have you seen
as you hovered for 5 weeks in that place in between?
So many times, prepared myself for your loss
Determined to be there, whatever pathway you crossed.
But if you had moved on and left me behind
an old age of contentment would have been hard to find.
Such a terrible thing for a mother to see
My whole being screaming – it should have been me!
Frantically searching for some rhyme or some reason
Why snatch you away while in your summer season?
I watched you drowning in unbearable pain
Felt it scorching your body Searing your brain
Although down inside me a voice wailed and cried
I held onto your hand Stayed there at your side.
Don’t ask me what quality gave me the strength
To witness your torment each day, at such length
All I wanted to do was to scream and to weep
Yet something compelled me this vigil to keep.
‘I left you once, when you were but a child
Is this retribution for self indulgence run wild?’
And so I stayed there, watched you writhe on the wrack
When you sank like a stone, stroked your brow, willed you back.
A mother’s first instinct is to keep her child warm
To comfort, to nurture – give protection from harm.
I did what I could son. It could never be enough
But a least I stood by you when the going got rough.
And when it was over – and we knew you’d survive
Of course, I am thankful that you’re still alive.
You’ve a long road before you, but till you reach the end
I’ll be here for you, a willing hand to lend.
No longer at your bedside, but at the end of the phone.
Just ring me any time son –no need to go it alone.
And if you need me with you, if helpless you’re feeling
Remember, that I’m always sending you healing.
If that’s not enough, then please let me know
I’ll be there with you, just give me your say so.
And if in the future you need to come to me
Wherever I live, bedrooms there will be three.
I love, I love you, whatever the cost
Mother’s love is eternal
whatever pathway’s been crossed.
